Love the Beach? Ha!

Dream of buying a beach house? Well, we have a perspective that might make you smile.

Savvy Homebuying

Do you ever wish you could own a second home? We’ve got 13 reasons why a beachside getaway is an awful idea. (Wink.)


The Other Jersey Shore

How about a primary residence that has access to pristine beaches? Take a look Hampton Ridge Estates, a secluded enclave of luxury estate homes on wooded home sites. These homes have up to one acre of property and five bedrooms. How can you not say, “yo?!”

1) Beach motels are fun. You get a parking space right in front, the beds are broken in and you can really get to know the people next door. By the way, the bedbug thing is totally overblown.

2) Who needs a house full of umbrellas, coolers, hats, sand chairs, blankets and kites? Sure, packing the family into the car for the weekend can be a challenge—but rise up to it!

3) The soft, warm glow of your laptop beats any sunset. Why take a stroll along the shore only to get your pants all wet? You might miss an IM.

4) Pondering the planet’s quadrillion grains of sand is anxiety provoking.

5) Children who build sandcastles are annoying. All that useless digging. And the way they run back and forth to get more pails of water is ridiculous. What’s the point, anyway?

6) Surfing is for loopy Californians. “Bro, it’s like bombin’! I had to use the doggy door on that last one!” Really?

7) Wool suit vs. bathing suit? That’s a no-brainer. Who wouldn’t choose elegant pinstripes over a sunburn?

8) Rolling ocean waves? It’s the same thing over and over and over again. Pass the Dramamine.

9) Outdoor showers are embarrassing. Being outside in the nude just feels so wrong—there could be a person in a helicopter flying overhead who might see you.

10) Clam bakes on the beach? Whatever. Don’t you have enough memories?

11) July 4th is so overdone. The red, the white, the blue, the parades and the fireworks. The whole thing is cliché.

12) Those cute beachside shops are always low on stock—where’s the megastore? Besides, salt-water taffy is bad for your teeth.

13) Smart investments and tax deductions are for the seagulls.

Still think you want to buy a house on the beach? Yeah, well, truth be told, it’s pretty amazing. The crazy thing is, beach vacation homes are more affordable than you might think. If nothing else, a new home is the perfect place to display a shell collection.

RYAN HOMES QUESTION: Have you ever visited the beaches in Delaware? How about the beach communities in Maryland? Be forewarned, though: If you don’t like beauty and tranquility, they’re probably not for you.